Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
