well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize