You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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