just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
