I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
