I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you win again, gameday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize