I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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