Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
