I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
