Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
