I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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