Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
