Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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