Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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