is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
