Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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