eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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