Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
