Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
