she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
