i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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