i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize