Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
