I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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