he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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