did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
