i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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