Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
