so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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