Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
