I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
