i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
