She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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