Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
