Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
