My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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