You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
