hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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