maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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