I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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