oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
