I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
