Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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