So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
