so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
