my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
