so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
