honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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