PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
