I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
