we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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