dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
pray to the hookup gods
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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