i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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