Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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