he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
