I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
