the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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