Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
