I heard we made out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize