another moral hangover. fuck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
