and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
