When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
