Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
