I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
