he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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