I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
