Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
