maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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