no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
