There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...so i touched it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
