Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can't motorboat a personality
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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