Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
