Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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