It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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