my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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